The Backyard 9
A spectacle unlike any other.
9 holes · par 34 · buckets, trees and one blind shot of pure faith
🗺 Course map coming soon — for now, the directions know the way.
How golf scoring works
- 1Count every swing at the ball — every single one. That number is your strokes.
- 2Fewer strokes is better. Golf is the one game where the small number wins.
- 3Every hole has a "par" — the target number of strokes for that hole. Match it and you're even; beat it and you're under par (amazing); go over and you're over par (extremely normal).
- 4Add up all nine holes at the end. The course par is 34 — finish under that and you're a backyard legend.
The course
1Juniperpar 4
Tee off from beside the playground slide. Your target: the red bucket labeled "1". The ball must TOUCH the bucket to hole out.
Nine holes of glory start at the slide. No pressure.
2Nectarinepar 3
Tee up anywhere north of (or next to) the nectarine tree — that's the small tree beside the woodpile — and face south. The hole is the cherry tree straight in front of you. Ball touches the cherry tree = holed.
Tree to tree. Botany has never been this competitive.
3Back to the Playgroundpar 3
Tee anywhere under the cherry tree. Your ball must touch ANY part of the playground. Slide, ladder, support post — the playground is generous today.
4Monkey Barspar 4
Tee off from the back side of the playground — the side furthest from the house, next to the small step ladder. The monkey bars stand between you and the hole. Your target: that same red bucket labeled "1". Touch it to hole out.
The monkey bars didn't move. That's the problem.
5Slice Protectionpar 3
Tee up just west of the cement pad where the woodpile sits — if you're facing the house from the woodpile, that's your left. The hole is the AC unit: touch it and you're in.
⚠️ USE THE WOODPILE'S NATURAL PROTECTION — keep it between your shot and the neighbor's fence. This hole is named Slice Protection for a reason: nothing goes over that fence.
6To the Pillarpar 5
Your first BLIND hole — you must trust the force. Tee anywhere between the AC unit and the fence. The hole is the red bucket labeled "6", around the corner in the front yard next to a porch pillar. Touch it to hole out.
You can't see it. It can't see you. Swing anyway.
7Mount Bushmorepar 3
From the same patch of grass near the hole-6 bucket, look east toward the bushes along the neighbor's fence. The red bucket labeled "7" is nestled uphill in the corner of the front-yard bushes. Touch it to hole out.
Uphill. Into the bushes. A monument to bad lies.
8Make Grass Great Againpar 5
From hole 7, walk toward the driveway and find the pipes next to the green sprinkler box. Tee off near the sprinkler box, hit INTO the driveway, work the ball around the corner of the house, and land it anywhere on the backyard grass. Ball touches grass = holed. Using your club as a putter on the driveway is fully legal and frankly encouraged.
9The Lambert Leappar 4
Tee up near where the grass meets the driveway. The final hole: the backyard Lambert cherry tree near the trampoline. Touch the tree to finish your round.
Let's see if you learned the trick from hole 2.